Success and not

Yesterday, August 6th, was my brother's birthday. My wonderful brother died 2.5 years ago. I was worried about my elderly parents' reaction to the anniversary of his birth. They are in Idaho right now and I am in Malibu. I called and texted their Idaho helpers to alert them of the impending birthday. I requested that these helpers keep my parents very busy to get them past this anniversary hump. I suggested lunch dates, drives to Stanley, trips to Costco (1.5hrs away), dinner parties, movies, etc. it worked! My parents may have thought of my brother, but they did not collapse into grief. Hurray! Success!

And not.

In my effort to protect my parents, I forgot that this is also an anniversary for me. I spent 2 days working at the Getty Villa, but this is something that no amount of docenting can erase from my memory. At random moments, I remembered the first time I saw Scott. He was a newborn and I was two years, two weeks old. My first encounter with my baby brother is my earliest memory. I was given toys presumably to make the addition of a new baby in the household, easier on me. One of the toys was a big red ball. I took the ball and offered it to my baby brother. To my utter joy, he reached for it….or maybe he just squirmed…but in my mind, my baby brother accepted my gift.

Such a sweet memory.

And now he is gone.


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